DADDY, HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY…?
How would you feel if you have to leave your loved ones behind for a long period of time?
And to know that u won’t always be there to look after them soon…?
With the awareness that they need you the most, but you also aware of your duty, which option would u choose?
Every day in my devotion, these are the questions that lingered in my mind…and I tell the Lord, “Lord, please take care of my dad and my mum on my behalf…!”
Yes, today (23rd September 07’) as usual after the English service I would get my 2 hour-rest in my church office. Normally I would take this opportunity to SMS my family members and ask about their well beings and things like that.
Friends, I’ve been thinking about my dad for the whole week. Something inside of me is telling me that he needs me. I just don’t know why. I never had this strong feeling before, not that I never had that feeling before, but this time it was more alarming than usual. I couldn’t comprehend the instinct so I ask my Lord. Then I SMSed my dad and I found out that he was unable to go to work for 2 days because of the pain on both of his knees. He couldn’t walk for two days and now the pain was getting worse. None of my family members had told me this. Perhaps they don’t want me to worry so much.
My dad has a very complicated medical report. Believe me, he is a living Wikipedia for almost all of the illness that old citizens mostly would have experienced (or still experiencing).
With an on and off high blood pressure report, gout, glaucoma, cataracts (removed early this year), diabetes (Mira helped me to recall the term!) and now both of his knees are in pain…I truly and really depending on God’s grace to take care of him…I prayed that Lord, I love my dad…I want him to walk with me to STM upon my graduation day 2 years from now…I want my dad to walk to the altar and receive the very first Holy Communion consecrated by me in the very first service that I conduct in the future…Lord, please sustain my dad…I’d give my right arm just to see him walking healthily again..!
If not because of the signs and wonders that God had shown to me through my dad’s life and personal testimony, there is NO way that I would ever be here today, serving this Great God.
But then u may ask, “Signs? Wonders? Hello, he’s NOT even cured from any of the illness above!”
Yes, it’s true BUT that is exactly the point that I wanted to point out. Despite of his shortcomings and inadequacies, he still moves on. In what way? In his faith and relationship with God. Of course there will be times when he just couldn’t bear the excruciating pain and harshly argued about God’s grace and mercy among our family members. We understand and so does God because He cares.
There was one time when my dad was having a light fever, but because of his zealousness to help Reverend Nelson to evangelize to a rural place, he lied about his condition to the rest of the House Group members just so that he could come along and help in the areas that he could. Well, he joined the mission team anyway and paid the price. He got a high fever soon after the trip and my mother really had her wonderful time scolding my dad (haha...). as King David beautifully had it stated in Psalm 27:1 “the Lord is my light and my salvation…whom shall I fear?” obviously to dad, my mother is NOT a fear factor at all. He fears God.
Coming back to my initial questions above…
Jesus made it clear that no one puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God. Well, there are many interpretations to this passage of Luke 9:59-62 (just to avoid some scholar-wannabe from attacking my post) but I just want to point out to the saying that Jesus used to clear cut the seriousness of discipleship and it strikes me every time I look back and pictured my old father at home, sitting alone and reading his newspaper (that’s his hobby). To me, it is more than just about discipleship. This is about my ministry and the many souls out there yet to be reached out. So, I need to make a hard decision that might sounds cruel and ungrateful. I do miss my dad. For a guy who literally left home (family etc.) for Jesus, I am rest assured that God has taken my responsibility of looking after my parents. I do believe that.
I have a purpose here.
We all have to move on.
This morning, I told my dad and I said (in my SMS)
“thanks…u never give up on me…the greatest gift that I could give to u is my prayer…”
And I never felt any better than that after saying those words to him. He didn’t reply. But deep down in my heart, I know he was crying…because I was crying too…
p/s: I was praying for my dad, asked for God’s wisdom and he literally showed me this passage. I only flipped a page in the Bible and there I saw it…Luke 9:59-62!
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