Followers

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

GO FURTHER FOR CHRIST!

“We are His children, so we don’t have to be afraid…”- Rod

This evening I went out for tea with Gerrad and Ruth. Well, it was not really a tea break for Ruth suggested that we should go to KFC, and so we went. It was rather an early dinner at around 5pm…or was it? Duh…

It was NOT an easy food- ordering- experience for me because I look like a fine young Malay guy and I was ordering a KFC Snack Plate during a fasting month!

Anyway, I went through the hard time ordering my meal (thanks to Gerrad who was trying to be funny with the cashier, giving him the impression that I’m a Malay guy who doesn’t fast). I’ll get even with him later during our ‘gotong-royong’. Don’t forget that I am your leader, Gerrad…
Then we sat down to enjoy our food (they all copied my snack plate but mine was spicy).

The main topic during the meal time was church works, church policies, church workers, STM assignments and Jacob Liaw (kidding Jacob!).

But what really caught my attention this evening was my own statement that I shared with the two. Well, it was not really my own statement but I remember reading it sometimes ago in a book, obviously not from “Preacher, prepare yourself”. The statement goes on like this,
“If you (pastors and priests) started to feel comfortable in your current churches, it is time to leave and move on to another church.”

What kind of line was that??? I thought all this while when things are smooth-sailing in our ministry, then God’s blessing and presence must be really on our side. How do I reconcile with this not-so encouraging statement?

Suddenly, Gerrad turned to me with his not-so macho voice and said,” it is because now that the congregation can do things on their own, thanks to your good service. Or you feel comfortable probably because you don’t have anything else to do there too. Or it could be that the congregation love you so much because of your flexibility and you never preached them a judgment sermon like that of Isaiah’s!

(ACTUALLY GERRAD ONLY SAID THE LINE IN BOLD..!)
Perhaps that’s the reason why many churches nowadays are quite slow when it comes to discipleship, transformation, church growth and evangelism. Maybe as mere men, we are easily satisfied and feel comfortable with our current achievement. Do not forget that Jesus said “GO” instead of “can you please go..?”…! It was in an imperative form (if you learn Greek, it indicates a command and not a suggestion or neither was it a request. It is a command!).
The God whom I serve is The God of transformation and self-edification. He told me NOT TO STOP AT CERTAIN POINTS WHEN YOU CAN GO FURTHER. I got this from ‘Facing the Giants’.

You too can go further. I started by being a Sunday School teacher. Then I became a youth leader in my parish. And now I am focusing on a more ‘solid food’ as I had left the ‘mild milk’ of basic training. The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few.

“May I never boast except in the cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ”…Galatians 6:14.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

how r u feeling 2day, daddy? (recommended for guys)

DADDY, HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY…?
How would you feel if you have to leave your loved ones behind for a long period of time?
And to know that u won’t always be there to look after them soon…?
With the awareness that they need you the most, but you also aware of your duty, which option would u choose?
Every day in my devotion, these are the questions that lingered in my mind…and I tell the Lord, “Lord, please take care of my dad and my mum on my behalf…!”
Yes, today (23rd September 07’) as usual after the English service I would get my 2 hour-rest in my church office. Normally I would take this opportunity to SMS my family members and ask about their well beings and things like that.
Friends, I’ve been thinking about my dad for the whole week. Something inside of me is telling me that he needs me. I just don’t know why. I never had this strong feeling before, not that I never had that feeling before, but this time it was more alarming than usual. I couldn’t comprehend the instinct so I ask my Lord. Then I SMSed my dad and I found out that he was unable to go to work for 2 days because of the pain on both of his knees. He couldn’t walk for two days and now the pain was getting worse. None of my family members had told me this. Perhaps they don’t want me to worry so much.
My dad has a very complicated medical report. Believe me, he is a living Wikipedia for almost all of the illness that old citizens mostly would have experienced (or still experiencing).
With an on and off high blood pressure report, gout, glaucoma, cataracts (removed early this year), diabetes (Mira helped me to recall the term!) and now both of his knees are in pain…I truly and really depending on God’s grace to take care of him…I prayed that Lord, I love my dad…I want him to walk with me to STM upon my graduation day 2 years from now…I want my dad to walk to the altar and receive the very first Holy Communion consecrated by me in the very first service that I conduct in the future…Lord, please sustain my dad…I’d give my right arm just to see him walking healthily again..!
If not because of the signs and wonders that God had shown to me through my dad’s life and personal testimony, there is NO way that I would ever be here today, serving this Great God.
But then u may ask, “Signs? Wonders? Hello, he’s NOT even cured from any of the illness above!”
Yes, it’s true BUT that is exactly the point that I wanted to point out. Despite of his shortcomings and inadequacies, he still moves on. In what way? In his faith and relationship with God. Of course there will be times when he just couldn’t bear the excruciating pain and harshly argued about God’s grace and mercy among our family members. We understand and so does God because He cares.
There was one time when my dad was having a light fever, but because of his zealousness to help Reverend Nelson to evangelize to a rural place, he lied about his condition to the rest of the House Group members just so that he could come along and help in the areas that he could. Well, he joined the mission team anyway and paid the price. He got a high fever soon after the trip and my mother really had her wonderful time scolding my dad (haha...). as King David beautifully had it stated in Psalm 27:1 “the Lord is my light and my salvation…whom shall I fear?” obviously to dad, my mother is NOT a fear factor at all. He fears God.

Coming back to my initial questions above…
Jesus made it clear that no one puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God. Well, there are many interpretations to this passage of Luke 9:59-62 (just to avoid some scholar-wannabe from attacking my post) but I just want to point out to the saying that Jesus used to clear cut the seriousness of discipleship and it strikes me every time I look back and pictured my old father at home, sitting alone and reading his newspaper (that’s his hobby). To me, it is more than just about discipleship. This is about my ministry and the many souls out there yet to be reached out. So, I need to make a hard decision that might sounds cruel and ungrateful. I do miss my dad. For a guy who literally left home (family etc.) for Jesus, I am rest assured that God has taken my responsibility of looking after my parents. I do believe that.
I have a purpose here.
We all have to move on.
This morning, I told my dad and I said (in my SMS)
“thanks…u never give up on me…the greatest gift that I could give to u is my prayer…”
And I never felt any better than that after saying those words to him. He didn’t reply. But deep down in my heart, I know he was crying…because I was crying too…
p/s: I was praying for my dad, asked for God’s wisdom and he literally showed me this passage. I only flipped a page in the Bible and there I saw it…Luke 9:59-62!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

terrible week...

i'm the steward group leader for Group 5 and this week (17-21st September) was a terrible week for me...yes, it was my steward group's turn AGAIN to handle the food matters (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and im telling you it is MORE than just that! we also hold the keys to all of the major classrooms by turns.

to make things worst, many of my members HAD tried their best NOT to 'disappoint' me BUT they failed to make me smile for the rest of the week. i'm SO USED to this, almost immuned, since i work ALONE despite the fact that I DO HAVE AN ASSISTANT. it is nearly a year now...so there wont be any more suprises.

all this reminded me of a praise and worship leader. (THIS IS JUST AN ILLUSTRATION). this fella always look for the best musician for himself, everytime when he is assigned to lead in the worship session. he will pick the best pianist, the better guitarist and a good bassist even though they are not in the roster. he will refused other musicians who were teamed with him by the office.

the story goes that one time, this particular guy was partnered with a not-so-good pianist girl. this guy was so furious and even came to the point that he refused to lead the worship once he found out about it last minute. he stepped down the stage. so the guitarist who was unprepared had to take on the RESPONSIBILITY of leading the worship, bringing the people into a time of meaningful worship.

this stinking attitude went on and on for quite a number of times. he always wanted the best musicians and unintentionally hurt a number of people whom he rejected.

and on one very fortunate day, he approached a very good drummer, wanted to ask him to play the drums for the worship the next day. he actually already had a drummer to play for him but as usual, he refused to follow the schedule. he wanted the best and only the best.

the drummer asked him, "why do u call me? i thought u already had a drummer assigned together to play for u?"

this fella arrogantly replied, " i don wan him...i only choose the best for my team...that's why i called u..."

to which the drummer replied, " and so do i...i dont think i want to play for u...!"

...and from that day on, the worship leader never choose his music band...

friends, i am stuck with such a helpful group of people for nearly a year now...and as thier leader, i always wanted to serve together with them in our steward group. and i believe i had done my best. if people do not see that, then God does. my God told me 'never to stop at a certain point when u can go further'.

some people just couldnt see my effort. but God did.
some people just know how to condemn WITHOUT first, knowing my situation. but God knows.
some people are just too busy looking at my mistakes that they failed to see my contributions THIS WHOLE WEEK, NOT JUST TO MY STEWARD GROUP BUT ALSO TO MY FRIEND'S PASTORAL GROUP. God saw me, and he carried me through. oh yes He did!

to conclude, im just a tired and good looking young man. if u get the joke! ;p

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

STM's 'praise and worship' session

MENGEJAR HADIRMU (PSALM 27)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7RAbGVuYgk

Last Friday we had a wonderful worship session, something that is VERY RARE in STM. I’m telling you, it really was. Rajan, for the first time did come for the BM service (but that is NOT the reason why the worship felt so blessed and pleased The Lord) because he was supposed to handle the OHP. Anyway, let’s go back to the real topic.

Jacob was the worship leader that day. Lee Yng was on the 1st guitar, Sritaran on the conga and bongo, Chin Ying played the piano and Widos on the bass. I played the drums but I had to switch to guitar as soon as the third song finish because that was the plan. The fourth song was ‘Mengejar hadirMu’. I am not saying that we are good.

God’s presence was very much stronger that day compared to the ‘half-day prayer and fasting day’ or any of the strenuous STM Quiet Day. I am not denying the importance of these two ‘long-awaited’ days but last Friday was an experience worth sharing here. People just came with the worship that was required by Jesus in John 4:23-34. I am not saying that we are good.

Perhaps STM needs more of this. Every week students just SIMPLY choose a song that they want or like or just to fulfill their ‘duty’. Worship leading is NOT JUST A DUTY; you are held responsible for the rest of the people of God in preparing them and lead them into a time of true worship (thus the term ‘worship LEADer’ is introduced). I am not saying that we are good.
We are there to please The Lord and to sing out from our hearts but then, because of certain circumstances, our IMPORTANT praise and worship session every week felt just like a singspiration and dry. I am not saying that we are good.

Not many can easily worship The Lord that way, I mean in a worship that was simply prepared because the leader was told to do so (reluctantly accepted the ‘task’). At least (beforehand) pray over the responsibility that you have been entrusted and connect it to the sermon that would be preached soon after the praise and worship session. Some people need the ‘right’ atmosphere in order to be engaged to the entire service. As a worship leader, it is his or her job to make sure that all this things are ready and in tuned with God’s message. I am not saying that we are good.

I do desire to have a quality praise and worship session in STM and for it to be more often and consistent. We don’t have to be a good singer or a gifted musician in order to become a good worship leader. The most important thing is the anointing from above. Some people ended up annoying people with their worship attitude. I am not saying that we are good.

It is wonderful when we all can worship God in the right manner, offering ourselves as a holy and living sacrifice. One day, all this will come into a realization. I am not saying that we are good.

As the psalmist had heartily expressed in Psalm 27:4, he was yearning and I can feel the sense of longing there (or should I say ‘I can sense the feeling of longing there???) anyway, the psalmist desires to dwell in the temple of God for the rest of his life. The temple was the visible expression of God's presence and was sought after by the godly. While sitting in God's temple, he planned to "gaze" on the Lord's beauty and to "seek" (inquire after) him in his temple. In the act of gazing on the Lord's beauty, the psalmist submits himself fully to experience the beneficent fellowship with God. God's "beauty" is an expression of his goodness to his people. When Moses saw his glory, the Lord revealed his perfections of love and compassion.

God bless you all, true worshippers!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

WWJD (walkin' wth Jesus daily)

Walking With Jesus Daily (WWJD)
Today, August 6 2007 is STM’s praying and fasting day. We started at 8 am, but I couldn’t make it till 4.30 pm. Jacob rushed me to a private clinic. I coughed blood.
So we went to ‘Dr. Raja Clinic and Surgery’ in town. I was diagnosed with bronchitis.
I have been coughing for a month. Last Saturday was the worst when I coughed blood just before we started the church service. I didn’t tell Jacob or anybody because I thought it was normal. By the way, am I too barbaric when I said ‘coughing blood is normal?’
Anyway, when my friends found out bout it, they scolded me. Well, I deserved it.
It’s not that I dun wanna go see any doctor or didn’t have the time to do so but I really couldn’t. You see, I was trying my best to cut on my expenses. I really need to gather money for the engagement day. I need to buy this beautiful ring that I saw in the shop last month. I just have to get it. She had promised me that she will wear the ring. She promised me.
But now that dreams are shattered and plans were vanished, I have to collect my pieces and begin to refocus my vision on God. Whatever wrongs that I have done, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. i am immuned to broken-human-promsies.
Thank God that I experienced all of this pain while I am still studying. I guess I am more prepared by now. Out there in the ministry, things will be double the trouble I might say.
Anyway, I believe by now we all know that our ways may not be according to what we had planned if they’re not of God and not of His will. Spending time with God (not sparing the extra time for Him) is essential for me to be sensitive to His instruction when He says, ”Son, that is not the road that I want you to tread.”
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (ISAIAH 55:8)
August 07, 2007 Permalink

to Pat and Christina

to pat and christina
hey ya...i do appreciate that u both actually read my blog...
the original title for this post (manusia bodoh) was 'the clown' and to make it more interesting, it was my FIRST post in friendster...glad that some good people actually enjoy reading it haha...
okay, time to answer some questions.
The first question that was asked by Christina:
'why did i repost this post?'
well...not exactly the same post of story coz i had changed the names of the characters...BUT why did i do that for? well, it is to see whether people are reading my blog or not (haha)....NO. actually, there were some clues and mysteries that i want u guys to discover and uncover them all by yourselves.
which will come to the second question asked by my sister, Pat:
'why did i change the names of the characters?'
well, i'd give u a credit for being such observant. the 1st question and the 2nd questions are actually inter-related. let the mystery be solved...!
in my earliest posts, i used imaginary characters like 'russell, wilson and anna' right?
they are actually non-imaginary people.
Russel Crow, in the movie 'the gladiator' represents the man of intergrity, full of honour and had shown the ultimate level of perseverence. and that should represent me. (believe me!)
Wilson, in the movie 'Cast Away', was a volleyball...was only used to fill someone's loneliness..
Anna, in the movie 'Anna and the King' was played by Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster is the actress that played a lot of 'panic woman' roles (one of her movie was 'panic room') and others were 'The Accused, Stealing Home, Catchfire, The silence of the Lambs (!!!), Maverick, Panic Room' etc...
she is a GREAT ACTRESS and i purposely lined down all the movies as 'keywords' to refer to someone. my ex girlfriend Angela.
Now that we have come to the 2nd part of the almost solved puzzle, let me just briefly tell u why i changed 'Wilson' to 'David' and 'Anna' to 'Lilian'.
oh by the way Wilson was the name of the guy, whose Valentine card i found in Angela's wallet last january. Angela, if u're reading this please tell the public that i am after all...INNOCENT.
David, or King David was a great king. somehow he slept with Bathsheba and sinned against The Lord. still, the Lord forgive him. in other words, i still forgive 'david' for his foolishness. seriously, i did.
Lilian...white Lilies (flower) are so pure and clean outwardly...BUT THEY NEED MUD IN ORDER TO LIVE...
in 'The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood' by Howard Pyle, the writer wrote something like this;
'Now, however, she was all pale and drooping, like a fair white lily snapped at the stem; and so, with bent head and sorrowful look, she went within the church, Sir Stephen leading her by the hand.'
sorrow always associated with white lilies...graveyard...obituary....
LILIAN....'an' at the end was to show that she used to be part of 'an angel' (angela)...used to be...used to be...there was no angel...not 'an angel'...only 'an'...LILIAN.
i wrote this story not to express my hurt or to show that i still held something personal inside of me...NOT AT ALL...it is just to show how much i appreciate English Literature and to create public excitement. forgive me if i used your name here but the truth shall prevail.
anyway, i had already forgiven her long ago.
enjoy reading..!
August 28, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)

the man who built his house on the rock

the man who built his house on the rock
As I was alone, meditating in my room, I flipped on the pages of the Bible to look for Psalm 62. I was moved to read it again and actually the particular Psalm was used in the sermon this morning. It talks about ‘confidence in The Lord, man is unreliable, The Lord of my salvation and exhortation to trust, not in man but in The Lord.
I prayed over the things that I understood from Psalm 62 and the Holy Spirit led me to look at Luke 6:47-49. I was taken aback by the verses! Somehow, The Lord ‘speaks’ to me even clearer through this ‘extra reading’!
“I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice.
He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.
But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."….Luke 6:47-49.
Have I put the words of Jesus into practice when I heard it and come to Him…???
What kind of house am I building…??? A temporal house? A permanent one?
How deep have I dug OR should I ask ‘how deep have I rooted in His words’???
When I struck the rock, do I stop? Or do I continue digging??? I should stop, for I know I have found the prefect site to lay the foundation!
Lately, a great wave came over me and almost washed me and my house away...but this time I was prepared and so the damage was little…I was left unshaken! PRAISE THE LORD!!
I dug deeply…I set my house on the rock…I saw the flood came…and I just sat and relaxed and played my guitar ignoring the flood that came my way…how wonderful it is to experience the ‘confidence in The Lord’…!!
I thank You Lord!

His faithfulness..to u n me..

His faithfulness..to u and me..
If we have a thousand lives to live and if God gave us a thousand tongues…we can never express the perfection of his beauty…Halleluyah…Look at Jesus when he carried the cross…you were on his mind…others were on his mind…when the daughters of Jerusalem wept, as they saw Him carrying the cross…He turned around and said, “Daughters of Jerusalem…weep not for me…but weep for yourselves…and on the cross , when the nails were driven into his hands…WE WERE STILL ON HIS MIND…his cry of pain gushed out with these words,” Father forgive them for they know not what they do…” In all of his suffering, he was not thinking of himself…he was thinking for you and me…
He’s beautiful isn’t he? Looking down from the cross…he saw that lovely face that he grew up with…his earthly mother… weeping crying tears…he looked at his disciple John and said,” John…from now on…this is your mother…” He was still thinking of others…
No man suffered like Jesus…but on the cross he turned around to the thief who said “Lord, remember me…” and Jesus said, “Today you will be with me in paradise…”
Even in his sufferings…he’s the perfection of mercy…faithful…loving kindness…
David says, “Lord, your loving kindness…is better than life…and Jesus knowing that all things are accomplished…cried, “I thirst!”
And there was nothing to quench his thirst…
And then he looked up and said, with a loud voice, “IT IS FINISHED…!”
He came for us…he was all for us…he didn’t die on the cross for himself, he didn’t die on the cross for angels…he came for us…c’mon lift up your hands and bless and worship him, he’s your redeemer…
August 21, 2007 Permalink Comments (0)

what a girl wants

WHAT A GIRL WANTS

“Roy, look at this ring! It’s so nice,” Annie excitedly demanding for Roy’s attention who was attentively looking at the rows of toys next door. They were both standing in front of the jewelry shop in the shopping complex.

“Where?? Which one?? Hold on for a second. This Gundam model is killing me haha!” obviously, Roy was busy admiring the toys instead of responding to his girlfriend. Window shopping was one of their weekend activities especially after the church service.

Annie on the other hand was really absorbed into the ring. It was, at least for her, the most beautiful and professionally crafted ring that she had ever seen. The ring itself was made of pure gold and the little hexagonal diamond added to the shine. Written next to the ring was “Splendid for Wedding or Engagement.” It is always hard to understand what a girl really wants.

“Roy, when you say the magic words, will you ever kneel in front of me with this ring in your hand?” Annie asked half jokingly.

“What magic words?” Roy replied, also half jokingly, while his eyes were still focusing on the toys.

“Roy, you’re not being serious.” Annie started to get irritated by her naughty yet caring boyfriend.

“Not now Annie, give me some time to earn some money,” was the short yet honest reply from Roy.

**********************
A year later, Roy went overseas to further his studies while Annie remained at home waiting for any offer from local universities. So for the next 2 years, both were still in love and contacted via phone and letters. Twice a year, Roy will come back to his hometown and Annie will pick him up from the airport. Their parents were also aware of their special relationship and so the ‘tie’, although not an engagement, was respected by both families. The families were so closed to the extent that anybody around their neighborhood knew about their relationship.

*********************
“Hello Roy, how are you and your studies there?”
“Annie, I was about to call you just now… sorry for the trouble…I’m fine here but quite busy as usual…how are you anyway?”
“Oh, really? Am I bothering you right now?”
“As a matter of fact, yes Annie. I need to finish this assignment by today otherwise I’ll have to repeat this paper next semester and I certainly don’t want that to happen to me. Can I tell you something regarding my studies?...Annie? Hello? Annie? Are you there??? Annie???!”
She hung up.
************************
What Roy didn’t know was that Annie had been seeing another guy while he was away. And the lame excuse? “Roy wasn’t there when I need him.” Once Roy knew about it, he asked for Annie’s explanation but she lied. He knew about it all along but because of his faith on Annie, he forgives her. Roy still gave Annie some rooms to apologize.
**************************
“Hello aunty, can I speak to Annie? I can’t reach her through her hand phone for quite some times. Is she alright?” Roy had to call Annie’s home as Annie had changed her hand phone number.

“Who am I speaking to? Wilson? Lawrence? Raymond? She went out just a few minutes ago.” Her mother replied.

“Haha…aunty, that was funny. You’ve almost got me. It’s me, Roy. Don’t you recognize my voice?”
There was a total silence for about 3seconds.

“Aunty, is everything okay???” Roy was getting nervous.

“Roy,” finally Annie’s mother started to talk.
“Ever since you left her to further your studies, Annie had always been crying alone in her room. As a mother, I want the best for my daughter but at the same time, we don’t want to disturb your studies. We decided to let her choose her own freedom in her own way. She used to relate to me about a ring that you both saw at the shop last time. You did not pay attention to her that time. If only you had that ring and you two got engaged the last 2 years, she wouldn’t be crying in her room almost every night. I would have stopped her from going out with different guys if you two were engaged in the first place. I guess you two are not meant to be together after all. So, please stop seeing or calling her. You might be a distraction to Annie. She’s going to a local university next week. Please be fair with her. Let her go.” Then the mother hung up.

**************************
“Raymond, look at this cute little box! No name on it, let’s find out what’s inside. Hey look, there’s a letter attached to it,” Annie said to her newly-wed husband as they were skimming through the wedding presents.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Raymond replied as he opened the letter.
“Hmm…shall I read it for you? I think it’s from one of your relatives because the writer addressed you as ‘Little Angel’.”

Raymond’s last line left Annie speechless. Somehow, she’s so familiar with that nick name but where did she ever heard of anybody called her by that name, unless…

“Let me read it myself!” said Annie as she grabbed the letter from her husband.

***********************

Dear Little Angel,
Congratulations! Finally I can see your smiles again, although it was not because of what I did. Anyway, from far I can see that you are happy tonight. Hopefully you will be happy for the rest of your life.
I think it is not too much for me to recall what had actually happened 5 years ago. That night, when I tried to call you and your mother answered, I actually wanted to give you the good news that I had finally managed to gather enough money not just to buy the ring that you wanted, but also some money for our simple engagement day.
While studying, I worked part time to fulfill our dream of living happily together. I am very well aware that your mother really wanted to see us together and therefore I sacrificed my time and energy to struggle with my studies and part time job at the same time. After the engagement, I will work even harder for a grand wedding party. That was the initial plan. I tried to tell you but you hung up, the last time we spoke.
That tearful night, when I called you but you were out there with some other guys, I really wanted to reach you but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell you the good news. The news that could have made you happy and stop you from shedding more tears. I know I wasn’t there when you needed me the most but although I never say ‘I love you’ everyday, I really meant it every single day of my life. Believe me when I say ‘I love you.’
I returned to the jewelry shop with my sister a day after you saw this ring. We bargained with the goldsmith and he agreed to sell it to me, by installment, of course.
I bought this ring 4 years ago. I kept it, hoping for the day when you would come back to me. You ran away and never gave me the chance to clarify things. Things were left unsettled but my faith on you never fails me. I waited for a sign from God.
I guess tonight is the obvious sign for me to give up this dream. I will move on with my life. I felt so much better putting my entire shattered dream into a piece of paper.
I hope you will love this ring as much as you love your husband. It’s yours now, as it has always been.

Yours truly
Roy.

*******************

“What’s wrong Annie? Who is it from?!” Raymond demanded when he realized that Annie looked really terrified with tears flowing from her beautiful eyes.

Annie was startled. She couldn’t say anything but handing over the letter to her husband. Her husband exchanged the box with the letter.

The box accidentally drooped off from her grip and it fell onto the floor. From the box, a ring popped out, rolled and stopped exactly in front of her toes. She picked it up and carefully read the carving alongside in the inner curve of the golden ring. She burst into tears.

It says, “My Little Angel, Roy Luvs U.” -_- ®

-THE END-

let us re-examine ourselves...

"God doesn't love us because we arerighteous, but because He loves us Hemakes us righteous"- Martin Luther.
in one of my class (i can't recall)the lecturer was saying something like
"a divorced man cannot preach abouthow to mantain a happy marriage" andneither "an anti-social can preachabout community life"
they just do not have the credibilityto preach so.
How about me? i'm a sinner so i willtalk about sinners and how muchhypocrisy is damaging our society. ami credible enough to talk about this?
how about a man who never replied tomy 'hellos' every morning and the nextthing i know is that he is preachingabout "Christian politeness"??
how about a man driving around in hisMercedes Benz (sometimes he switchedto his BMW) is preaching about "livingin extreme humility" or "totallysimple life"...?
"Why do you look at the speck ofsawdust in your brother's eye and payno attention to the plank in your owneye?
How can you say to your brother, `Letme take the speck out of your eye,'when all the time there is a plank inyour own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plankout of your own eye, and then you willsee clearly to remove the speck fromyour brother's eye." (matt 7:3-5)

The Bell Tower

THE BELL TOWER

She walked calmly straight into the compound of St. Francis’ Church, Massachusetts. It was a fine Thursday during the spring time in 1984. The caretaker welcomed her and confirmed to her that the vicar is in his office.
“Another appointment with Reverend Ronald today, Mrs. Laney?” asked the caretaker as he was watering the newly bloomed lilies. Obviously, Angeline is not a stranger to him.
“Yes Sylvester, I’m here for the counseling session. Today is Thursday, right? But I don’t see his car nearby,” replied Angeline.
“Oh, the Reverend’s car? It’s in the garage. He sent it to the mechanic last Monday and he’s driving Mrs. Ronald’s car for the moment. I won’t be stealing anymore of your time so I better let you proceed with your appointment ok?” Sylvester suggested.
“Thank you Sylvester,” was the short reply.

***************

“Come in,” replied the pastor as he heard the knockings on his door and the greeting.
“Good morning pastor,” said Angeline as she removed her fur coat. “How are you, your wife and the two twins?” she added.
“Good morning Angeline. I’m fine. My wife? Oh, she’s as fine as usual and as beautiful as always. Praise The Lord for that. The two monsters are currently with their grandparents in the farm. You know, now it’s spring time and the boys surely don’t want to miss watching the river flows from the icy hills as the ice melts. And you, how are you today Angeline?” inquired Reverend Ronald with a warm smile.

“Oh, I’m glad to hear about your family. I am as usual, trying to find peace in my life after my third marriage failed.” Her reply indicates that they always share about their lives and exchange life’s experience.

Then they talked and shared the word of God while reflecting on the past…
****************

“Why are you doing this to me???” Ronnie just could not believe that his girlfriend is cheating on him.
“I thought all this while, after you begged for me to accept you, you would change your wild lifestyle. You have promised to me! And look what you have done!” he could not control his temper anymore.

“Look Ronnie, I have found a guy who said he’ll accept me for who I am. You heard that? He isn’t like you, always try to correct and control me! Besides, he has a big bike.” As soon as his girlfriend finished that last sentence, exactly about the same time her new boyfriend arrived on the 1948 Indian Harley Davidson. Both rode the bike and gone in the horizon. Ronnie was left alone. It was exactly like a scene in a movie. Everything seemed to have been planned earlier, purposely to hurt Ronnie; at least that’s what Ronnie believed. He blamed God.

*************
“Father, tell me a good reason why I should live for another day. I’ve been trying to forget all of my hurts and bitterness but I just can’t! They keep on coming every night,” in tears, Ronnie asked his trusted local priest.

“My son, I really do not know what else I can tell you but I really want you to know that a lot of people out there love and cared for you very much. Since I cannot tell you anything else, come and follow me,” the old Reverend Jacob instructed Ronnie to follow him to the compound of the church.

Once they were outside, Reverend Jacob brought to Ronnie’s attention an old bell tower.

“Ronnie my son, do you see that old bell tower? The giant bell is still in a good condition but nobody wants to strike it anymore because it is just too noisy and has lost its function. Originally, it was used to alarm this whole village hundreds of years ago when the civil war was spreading across America. Go ahead, feel free to pull the rope and strike it as many time as you want!”

Thinking that this could be a medium to release his anger, Ronnie ran to the tower. Without any hesitation, he had a firm grip on the worn rope and with all of his might, started to ring it on and on.

The sharp-noisy sound of the bell went across the village, down the hills and ridges, drowned the flowing sound of the Mississippi River and finally heard by a neighboring village.

Everybody around paused for a moment, wondering what was going on.

Suddenly, the whole land was in a total silence. Time seemed to have stopped that day. Children stopped pushing their carts. Men in the fields hushed their horses. Women grinding the wheat looked at one another. Everyone fixed their eyes looking at the hill where they can see from afar a young man, crying and striking the bell. They seemed to understand his pain. So they let him.

****************
“Ronnie, I think that’s enough,” Reverend Jacob said as he placed his arm on Ronnie’s shoulder. The young man looked pale. Tears were unstoppable. He keeps on pulling the rope with his remaining energy. A distinctively stubborn young man.

“Release the rope slowly.” That was his next instruction.

As Ronnie was holding the rope with both of his hands, he released his left first. Then, as he realized that as long as he still holding the rope, there’s no way that the bell would stop ringing, so let go of the rope entirely.

Little by little, the sound of the big bell slowly started to fade away as the momentum was decreasing. Then it stopped.
*****************
“What are you trying to say to me, Reverend?” Ronnie knew now that this is more than just about releasing his anger or expressing himself by striking the bell like a mad man. He looked down staring at the ground. He didn’t look up for he didn’t want to be seen in tears. He looked away.

“Well, what I say is not important but what you think of what I say, that is important. Let it go, just as you let the rope go off. The problem is you are never ready to let it go. That’s why the bitterness is still ‘ringing’ in your head.” The priest tried his best to touch the youngster’s heart.

“I understand now Reverend. I will move on from here then. Thanks a lot Reverend. Goodbye.” Ronnie said as he started to walk away from the old priest.

“Hold it Ronnie. What’s your full name again?”

“Ronald…Ronald Unrich.”

***************

Years went by as Ronnie struggled to collect the pieces of his broken heart. Somebody in his life had told him that “If you want God to fix your broken heart, surrender all the pieces to Him.” He walked faithfully with God, he heard the ‘ringing’ no more.

Ronnie, or should I call him Reverend Ronald, took over the church after Reverend Jacob peacefully passed away in one summer morning. He cared very much for the church, worked with the town folks so well that he is blessed in every way. He married a dentist, blonde lass who came all the way from South Carolina. Together, they walk with God in running the church.

Things were hard in the beginning, but as God had promised, He will always remain with you even until to the last days.
*******************
“Ronnie, please accept me back…I’m begging you…I was wrong, I thought Raymond was the right man but I was wrong! He’s an animal! He used me in his illegal races…I am just a seasonal trophy for him! I’ve been used. I’m dirty Ronnie, please..!”

“Out of my sight you dirty fella!” Ronnie was fuming when his ex-girlfriend shamelessly crawling back to him one day.

This is life. Welcome to reality. In her pursuit of instance happiness, Ronnie’s ex-girlfriend fell into the trap of some illegal racers and she was forced by Raymond to ‘pay’ his losses. Whenever Raymond lost a bet in a race or owed money to people, she was his solution.
**************
“So, is that all that you wanna share today Angeline?” finally Reverend Ronald broke the silence.

“I don’t think I have anything else to share with you Reverend. I’ve shared everything and you’ve prayed for me. I hope this will be my last counseling session with you Reverend.” Angeline was preparing herself to go home.

“Alright then, hope to see you in church this Sunday. God bless you always.” The priest concluded as he stood up to accompany Angeline to the door.

Suddenly Angeline turned back and looked deep into the Reverend’s eyes and said:

“Ronnie, if I didn’t follow Raymond that day, I wouldn’t have suffered this much.” ®

******* THE END ******

tell me the truth!!!

“Tell me the truth, are you serious with me Jerry?! Are you serious about us?!” Emily was so frustrated when she found out that her boyfriend is cheating on her.

“C’mon Emmy, we’re only 17! Sooner or later, we will see other people right? It’s not that we’re going to get married after SPM…” Jerry was pretending macho without even apologizing.

“That’s it lah! We’re so through Jerry. Goodbye!” Emmy then took a taxi and went home.

………………………………………..

“You did WHAT Jerry? You broke up with Emmy? Hold it, she dumped you???” Eddie was so surprised and excited to hear the big story. It could be the talk of SMK St. Joseph.

“It’s not like what you think Ed. You know very well how much my parents wanted me to go for engineering. They want me to focus on my studies. I decided that I should focus just on one thing at the moment- my SPM. I can’t just tell Emmy that we should break off just because of SPM; she will think that I’m coward and childish. Indirectly, she will hate the term ‘SPM’ and unhealthily affects her preparation for the exam. I certainly don’t want that to happen to her.

I purposely went out for a movie with Debbie in front of her. She didn’t know that Debbie is my cousin. I want her to get the idea that I am not a good guy. I assumed that she got the message right. I hope that she’ll forget about me and do her best in SPM.

You know what Ed? Deep down in my heart, I still love Emily…no matter how much she hates me right now…” Jerry was trying his best not to be seen in tears.

“Jerry, I know what you felt. We’ve been together since our early schooling years in St. Jude. Be strong brother.” Eddie tried to console his best friend.
………………………………….……
“Emmy, are you serious???! You broke up with Jerry? But…but that’s impossible. All of us know how much he loves you Emmy!” exclaimed Claire as they were hanging out at Tun Jugah.

“Yeah, remember the last Valentine? He gave you a rose AND a small box full of ‘Snickers Chocolate’. We thought it was so funny and cute, coz’ that amount can last you for a year, haha…ops, sorry…” added Mary Anne who is famous for her too-much joke.

“Emmy, among the four of us here, you are the craziest. But when it comes to relationship thing, I have to admit that I do respect you because you are such a faithful girl. Do you still have a feeling for Jerry? Do you forgive him, Emmy?” Sarah was showing her concern.

“No. I hate him. I won’t forgive him Sarah.” Emily was certain of her answer.

…………………………………………..

Eddie was actually relieved when he heard about the news. And the reason why? All this while, he had been keeping a secret. He likes Emily very much but he just couldn’t tell her because his best friend Jerry is Emmy’s boyfriend. Now you do the maths.

Is this a great opportunity for Ed? A golden opportunity, perhaps, but little did he know that Jerry knew about Ed’s secret all along. C’mon, it’s so obvious! Before Jerry and Emmy got together, Eddie always shared with Jerry how much he admired Emily. Well, it’s not the greatest discovery of the century.

…………………………………………..



“Eddie… thanks for being there for me over the past 2 months.”

“It’s okay Emmy. It’s what a guy should do anyway. I’ll pay the bill,” Eddie offered himself to pay for the lunch.

“Ed…”

“Yes Emmy? What is it?”

“I think I’ll give it a try.”

“Really? You mean, you wanna give me a chance?”

“Yes.”

………………………………………

Even though Emmy couldn’t forget how much Jerry meant to her, she purposely accepted Eddie to speed the erasing process. When love and hate collides, people tend to become short-minded. Emmy is now Eddie’s girlfriend.

…………………………………….

“How long Ed, shall we keep our relationship a secret? Sooner or later people, especially Jerry will find out.” Emmy threw a fact of reality at Eddie’s face. Altogether, it had been 2 months since their relationship started.

“I’d rather be like this, without anyone noticing especially Jerry. I don’t wanna hurt Jerry. Can I have the happiest months in my life in privacy, only me and you just for the moment, please?” Eddie expressed his request with a sad voice. He looked week and pale.

Emmy was surprised and a little scared by Eddie’s weird answer and request.

“Eddie, are you alright? Why did you say such strange things? ‘Just for the moment’? What’s going on Ed? Tell me!” Emmy was getting nervous. The remembrance of the hurt from her previous relationship started to occupy her mind.

Eddie was speechless.

……………………………………

“Eddie, I knew what’s going on. You really think I’m stupid?! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Jerry was so furious. It’s about time that he set things right once and for all.

“Jerry, I’m afraid if I tell you, you will kill me. I went dated Emmy because she needs somebody by her side…I’m sorry Jerry,” Eddie was overwhelmed with guilt.

“YOU FOOL! I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT EMMY AT ALL! I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU IDIOT!” Jerry couldn’t believe that his soul buddy thought he can live in a lie forever.

He went on to continue.

“Eddie, I know about your brain cancer long ago, since it’s very first stage. Oh yes, the doctor that you consulted is one of my relatives. I forced him, so he told me everything, including the part that you don’t want anybody to know about your fatal illness except for your family members.
When I heard about it, I cried the whole night thinking that I will lose my best buddy in the world. Not just that, I cry because I’m afraid that you will leave this world with some dreams unachieved, especially ‘Emmy’.
I know how much you love her in secret. I want you to be happy and feel her love for a moment even if it means hurting myself. I’m not angry because you took my place, I’m angry because you never shared your problem with me.

I called you and asked you out not because I know that you will ‘belanja’ me as always but…I wanted to tell you that I want Emmy back.” Jerry dropped the worst line.

Eddie was in silence. Nothing was said in response to Jerry’s request. Finally,

“Ok Jerry, I will step back…but why now Jerry, why now?” Eddie needed a clarification.

“Well, SPM is over and my parents won’t be watching my back anymore.” Jerry clarified. It was indeed clear enough.

TO BE CONTINUED
…………………………………………

the clown

THE CLOWN

Russell is a hard working high school student. While schooling, he’ll do any part time job and sometimes an odd job. He did it not because he’s poor but because of his girlfriend. She is the prettiest girl in the school. A girl with a high taste, always go for branded clothing and fancy lifestyle. Her eyes would gleam when she read the fashion magazines. Most of the time, Russell had to make great and ridiculous sacrifices just to please her. He didn’t mind doing all this because he appreciates her and loves her very much.

His girlfriend, Lillian, however is a fake. She is a playgirl and always appears clean in Russell’s sight. She actually goes for anybody with cash and cars. These two are the things that Russell always had to sweat for.

One night, there was a big fun fair in the town. Lillian, without Russell’s knowledge or consent, went out with David, a rich but ugly spoilt brat who somehow managed to use his father’s Mercedes Benz.

Prior to that night, Lillian did tell Russell about the fun fair and how much she wanted to go. However, Russell couldn’t make it because he was supposed to work on a night shift that night. He then told Lillian to wait for another night as he was still in tight budget and he’s not free. Last week alone, he spent nearly $100 for Lillian’s new pair of Levi’s jeans.

When Lillian and David arrived at the fun fair, the place was packed with people coming from as far as Kansas City. Ferries Wheel and bumper cars were among the target of the night. Lillian really enjoyed herself and David was smiling not knowing that he will be forgotten as soon as the night ends.

Then, they moved to a row of food stalls, where they can see a clown entertaining children by blowing some balloons and twisted them into certain animal’s shapes. Not just that, he also did some mimes, making funny faces to the kids and made them laugh. He was so good that a lot of people gathered to see his performance. He juggled three balls with only one hand without dropping even a single one.

The clown was now standing in the middle of the crowd who circulated him. Every time he saw a couple, he would approach them and give them a show like pulling a rose out of his shirt then presented it to them and so on.

Suddenly, the clown saw Lillian. He closed his mouth and pulled his wig to show that he is surprised. He didn’t make a sound, just a face expression. Children were laughing because they taught that this is funny. It was indeed funny, the grown ups also laughed along.

He then walked to her in a funny manner. Everyone was laughing. In front of Lillian, he offered her a floating heart-shaped balloon.

As Lillian was about to get hold of the string, suddenly the clown released the balloon into the air. The balloon floated away and gone in the dark night. It was a good performance and people liked it very much. Lillian was also laughing, feeling that she contributed something to the show. She clapped her hands and so was everyone.

“Mom, look! The clown is crying!” a little boy shouted when he saw that the clown was crying.
“Is this his next performance?” an old lady was anxious to know.
“I don’t think so, those tears are too real to be called a performance.” A man gave his opinion.

His tears were indeed real. The clown moved three steps backwards away from Lillian. Then he stopped. Everyone was standing still too, thinking that this could be his next performance.

He removed his colorful wig and exposed his blonde curly hair. He then removed his rubber nose and dropped it on the ground. He wiped his make-ups with his long sleeves, revealing his real face. He was crying.

“Russell?! Is that really you??!” Lillian was pale and terrified.

“Yes Lillian, it’s me. You came to see my show? Thanks. I’ve seen your show too, for the first time. All this while, I only heard about it. Now I know that you really are a good actor.”

Russell moved on with life soon after. He finished high school, went to college and graduated with Bachelor of Fine Arts. He moved to Hollywood where his carrier as a successful actor and producer began.

Lillian? She also had moved on: from one man to another, whoever paid more. (“,)®

******THE END******